A collection of words that have affected me in some manner.
I believe you'll enjoy them too.

First Time at a Dog Show

First time at a dog show, I'll tell you quite plain
I'll never, no never, go near one again.
The Breeder said "Show him" when I bought my dog,
I showed him alright, the whole place was agog.
They gave me a number, they gave me a pin
But I couldn't bear to stick the thing in,
So I rushed to the shop and bought some clear glue
Then I stuck the card onto his back in the loo.

We arrived at the ringside to find we were first
In the Puppy Class (this part is the worst).
We marched in together as fast as we were able
Arrived at the judge who said "Up on the table".

This really surprised me, my skirt was quite tight,
And I just couldn't make it, try hard as I might.
The Judge looked quite worried, he said "Listen here,
Put your dog on the table, not you, my dear".

By now I was trembling, I felt such a fool
But I said to myself..."Play it cool, play it cool".
"How old?" said the Judge, I heard it quite clear
Well really, I thought, and said "Thirty next year".

The Steward, poor fellow, threw a kind of fit.
He spluttered, he coughed, and his eyes ran a bit.
"I'd have that cough seen to" I said to him when
He'd finally stopped...then he started again.

"Once round the ring, dear, as fast as you can"
Said the Judge, so I did, I just ran and ran,
But when I arrived (out of breath, I'll admit)
The Judge said "Your dog, dear" I felt like a twit.

Off round once again, I kept my head bent.
Oh the shame, my pup crouched, he just went and went.
A lady came running with bucket and spade
With manure so spicy, has she got it made.

We came back to the Judge who said with a frown
"Stand your dog". I said "Please sir, he's not lying down".
"You can take First Place stand" he said. I said "Ta".
What a job I had getting that stand into the car!

Author unknown.

A Dogs Soul

Every dog must have a soul
Somewhere deep inside
Where all his hurts and grievances
Are buried with his pride.
Where he decides the good and bad,
The wrong way from the right,
And where his judgement carefully
Is hidden from our sight.
A dog must have a secret place
Where every thought abides,
A sort of close acquaintance that
He trusts in and confides.
And when accused unjustly for
Himself, He cannot speak,
Rebuked, He finds within his soul
The comfort he must seek.
He'll love, tho' he is unloved,
And he'll serve tho' badly used,
And one kind word will wipe away
The times when he's abused.
Altho' his heart may break in two
His love will still be whole,
Because God gave to every dog
An understanding Soul!

Author unknown



  • I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 

  • The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. 

  • I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 

  • I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. 

  • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. 

  • I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it. 

  • I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up. 

  • I will not throw up in the car. 

  • I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. 

  • I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop. 

  • Kitty box crunchies are not food. 

  • I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing. 

  • The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 

  • I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end. 

  • I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. 

  • I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am haemorrhaging. 

  • When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. 

  • We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. 

  • I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. 

  • The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps. 

  • My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 

  • I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

Author unknown


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